Trigger word… Love

One of the first exercises we were asked to do on the writing course, which  I have just completed, was to write some pros on certain trigger words. I’m not sure I actually captured what the tutor wanted but this was the first piece. I used Love as a trigger word and below is what I came up with…

“Reaching for the jar cupid finds it empty and he knows he is late. The formula, what is the formula? He takes a breath to let instinct take hold. Before long he has a table full of emotions and he begins. First some hate, but not too much. Then some kindness followed by a dash of envy. Mix these with his potion of lust and joy, which has been sprinkled with happiness and a dash of fear. Greed where is greed, oh but only a drop.
He then carefully adds wonder, amazement and he almost forgets ecstasy. He studies the solution but the colour is wrong, he’s added to much hate and fear. However he adds more joy with a good splash of kindness, he swirls the potion watching carefully as the colours of the rainbow swirls and coalesce till the liquid glows and shines from within.
Now he is ready, so he dips each arrow from his quiver into his potion for Love…”

My initial thought was not to write something that bordered on being a little cliche or stereotypical and I think I came close to nailing it. With all the exercises we were given word limits at first I thought ‘rude’ but I understood the reasons. any more than the 250 to 300 words in the beginning made it a bit of a chore to read and provide feed back on.

Since completing the course I went back to it and extended to word count with some extra editing to I hope improve its flow.

Below is the new updated version

“Reaching for the jar cupid finds it empty! He knows he is late.

The formula, what is the formula? He takes a breath to let instinct take hold. Before long he has a table full of emotions and he begins. First some hate, but not too much. Then some kindness followed by a dash of envy. Cupid mixes these with his existing potion of lust and joy, which he previously sprinkled with happiness and a dash of fear. He looks about frantically, greed where is greed, there it is. Careful, for only a drop is all that’s required.

Carefully Cupid adds wonder, amazement, he’s almost there with his results until he remembered ecstasy. By the heavens he can’t that! He studies the solution but the colour is wrong? He realises there was too much hate and fear added. However, he adds more joy with a good splash of kindness, he swirls the potion watching carefully as the colours of the rainbow swirls and coalesce till the liquid glows and shines from within.

Now he is ready, he dips each arrow from his quiver into his potion for Love. He allows himself a smug smile, his wings fluttering he flies off with time enough to spare…”

 

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