Below is one of the three self exploratory exercises we had to do from the on line course I am doing…
For as long as I can remember, my own inner critic has been the very soil and fertiliser for my procrastination in starting or doing what I say I will or want to. Then when I eventually got off my butt and actually walked the talk there was and is a constant verbal battle with in me between the voice of confidence and the voices of insecurities.
However, I find that with age and maturity my own values and belief in myself has proved a stronger tree to bend from the winds of my own self doubt. Even now after trying something and succeeding in one way or another I often fall prey to the inner voice saying, “you only did well because they had pity on you.” But I still endeavor to try if only to prove to myself and the inner critique THAT I CAN.
When I told everyone I was writing a book I had a kaleidoscope of reactions and comments about it doing well and making me rich. But the inner critique spurned and cast doubt on them all. But then I understood I wasn’t doing it for any real fame or fortune.
The plain and simple truth is I’m doing it for me. The is a second more self indulgent reason and somewhat hedonistic at its core. It’s a great feeling to have characters and a world at your command where they can live, die or just fade away.